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2013-5-18 统练作文讲评(汕头二模等组题) 2


第一节 xie 基础写作(汕头市金山中学 2012-13 学年 第一学期期中考试)
你叫李华,你的英国笔友 John 来信说假期要来中国,在你所 在的城市逗留十天,希望你给安排一下他的活动。你刚好要参 加志愿者工作,很想邀请他参加,理由如下: 1. 志愿者工作可以帮助有困难的人,将使他的中国之行更 加有意义; 2. 比起去景点观光, 志愿者工作不但能更深入到普通民众的

生活,而且有助于了解当地的社会风俗。 【写作内容】 根据以上信息,给 John 写一封回信,说服他一起参加志 愿者活动。信的开头和结尾已经为你写好。请在信中包括以下 内容: 1. 告诉 John 你的假期计划并邀请他共同参与; 2. 陈述以上两条理由; 3. 建议 John 加入你们,并表示等待他的答复。 【写作要求】 1. 只能使用 5 个句子表达上述全部内容;2. 文中不能出现 真实姓名和学校名称。 Dear John, I’m pleased to hear that you will come to China this vacation. … Best wishes, Yours, Li Hua 参考范文: Dear John, I’m pleased to hear that you will come to China this vacation. As I’m going to participate in volunteer work this vacation, I hope that you will join us. As far as I’m

concerned, the volunteer work, giving you an opportunity to help people in need, will add to the significance to your trip to China. Compared with going sightseeing, working as a volunteer will enable you to go deeper into ordinary people’s life. In the meanwhile, it also will help you know about the local customs. Thus, I really hope you can join us and I’m looking forward to your reply. Best wishes, Yours, Li Hua 普遍问题: 1. work (工作):不可数名词 2. join 的用法: 1) 称为...的一员;参加,加入 join (an organization, e.g. the army, a club, the party, a company, …) 2) 加入到某人之中;与某人一道去 join sb. (in doing sth./ for sth.) 3) 参加活动 join in (an activity) 例句: 1) I’ve joined the car club. 2) --Will you join us for lunch? –Do you mind if I join you? I’m sure you’ll all join me in wishing them a very happy marriage. 3) She listens but she never joins in the discussion. 3. suggest 的用法: 1) suggest doing sth. 2) suggest (that) sb. (should) do sth.

例句:I suggest going there by air. I suggest we go there by air. 4. hope 的用法: 1) hope to do sth. 2) hope + that 从句 例句:1) We hope to arrive around two o’clock. 2) Let’s hope we can find a parking space. 5. Compared with going sightseeing, doing the voluntary work will bring us more benefits. 6. 句子的(逻辑)主语是什么? * 句子中出现多个不同的动词,要注意这些动词的逻辑主语 是否正确! 错误的例子: 1) Compared with going sightseeing, volunteer work not only can involve in ordinary people’s life but also can learn more about the social traditions. 2) Besides, compared with going sightseeing, the voluntary work is able to connect you with the local people and know more about their life. 3) More importantly, being a volunteer can not only get to know the … but also help you realize the … 正确的例子: 1) Being a volunteer, you can not only get closer to the … but also get to know the … 2) If you join in the voluntary work, not only can you learn more about the life of ordinary people, but you can also learn about the local customs. 3) The volunteer work can not only make it possible for you to know better about the normal people’s life but

also help you know the local customs well. 7. because 从句:不能单独成句! 1) I was absent from school yesterday because I was sick. 2) Because I was sick, I was absent from school yesterday. Just because I don’t complain, people think I am satisfied. 好句子: 1.I’d like to tell you that I am going to be a volunteer this vacation and I hope you can join me. Working as a volunteer, you can help a lot of people who are faced with difficulty, which makes your trip more meaningful. 2.I suggest you join us and I’m looking forward to your answer. 3.During the work, we not only can help people in need, but also can know more about the local traditions and life.

第二节 读写任务(2013 揭阳二模)
阅读下面的短文,然后按要求写一篇 150 字左右的英语短文。 Mayor Bloomberg has been the mayor of New York City for nearly nine years, but for ten years he has been wearing the same shoes. This is really rare to be seen on a billionaire.

“The mayor owns two pairs of work shoes,” said the spokesman. “One day he’ll wear one, the next the other. When they got worn down, he has them repaired. He could buy any shoes he wanted, but he says since they are comfortable, and they work, there’s no need for a new pair.” According to the spokesman, the mayor saves in his footwear and he also keeps it up in his personal as well as governmental finance. “When he buys a cup of coffee, he chooses the smallest size. He buys only what he needs.” Such is the mayor of New York City, who cares little about his shoes, avoids wasting money and focuses his attention on his work and his people in the city. But what about our fellow students nowadays? Some wear super expensive clothes and shoes; besides, they buy as many as possible, far more than two pairs. They always want the latest, the newest and throw the old ones away though they haven’t worn them for many times. 【写作内容】 1. 以约 30 个词概括以上短文的内容。 2. 以约 120 个词就“勤俭节约”这一主题发表你的感想和看 法,内容包括: (1)给出你对这位市长的评价; (2)举一个你尊敬的人勤俭节约的例子,说明他对你的影响; (3)列举你生活中浪费的坏习惯并说说你勤俭节约的决心。 【写作要求】 1. 作文中可以使用亲身经历或虚构的故事,也可以参照阅读 材料的内容,但不得直接引用原文中的句子; 2. 作文中不能出现真实姓名和学校名称。 【评分标准】概括准确,语言规范内容合适,语篇连贯。 参考词汇:节俭的 provident / thrifty

一.Summary 部分:
? 两个要点 范文: The author introduces to us the mayor of New York City, a man who is rich but provident. The author also points out nowadays some students have the habit of wasting things. Summary 部分的普遍问题: 1. 两个要点信息的处理: 平行?次要? 几个不恰当处理的例子: (1)把当今学生的行为写成是次要的信息 1) Mayor Bloomberg has been wearing the same shoes for ten years. He avoids wasting money and pays his attention to his city. What he has done is very different from the students today. 2) Mayor Bloomberg is the mayor of New York City, who is provident in his personal and government finance. The mayor behaves differently from the fellow students, who cause much waste in buying unnecessary things. 3) Mayor Bloomberg, the mayor of New York, a provident man wears only two shoes for 10 year. He avoids wasting money and focuses on his work unlike our fellow students who always buy expensive things. 4) Unlike the students nowadays who spend much money in wearing, Mayor Bloomberg has been wearing the same shoes for many years. He avoids wasting money in his personal as well as governmental finance. (2)把市长的“节俭”写成是次要的信息

5) Mayor Bloomberg, the mayor of New York City, who cares little about his personal life to save money, pays his attention on his work and his people in the city. While the fellow students are on the contrary. 2. 用什么时态? He has been wearing the same shoes for ten years. He focuses on his work. * 尚健在的人:现在时 * 已故去的人:过去时 3. 有从句,没有主句 错: The mayor of New York City, Bloombery, who was provident in his life. 对:The mayor of New York City, Bloombery, was provident in his life. 4. while 的用法

二.正文部分:
(1)给出你对这位市长的评价; (2)举一个你尊敬的人勤俭节约的例子,说明他对你的影响; (3)列举你生活中浪费的坏习惯并说说你勤俭节约的决心。 审题:文章的内容和结构: 这位市长…… (作为一位亿万富翁和一市之长, 勤俭节约、 一心为公,值得尊敬,值得学习。) 我的……也是这样一位勤俭节约/值得尊敬的人。TA …… (他/她的一些勤俭节约的做法/事例) TA 的勤俭深深地影响 。 了我 ……(我认识到…/ 我也怎样做了)。

然而, 我还有一些浪费的坏习惯: 我……。 现在我决心…… (向他们学习, 做一个勤俭节约的人, 在日常生活中,……) 。 问题: ? 什么是“勤俭节约”?写什么样的事例才能表现这个人 的勤俭节约? ? 写什么人:身边的人?名人或伟人? ? 写什么样的例子: 1) 这个人平常的做法?这个人某次的例子? 2) 怎样的例子才令人信服?--- 不要写不符合生活情 理的例子,或者太过于夸张的例子。 1. 写名人或伟人的:孙中山、周恩来、邓小平、郭明义 …… 例 1: Dr Sun Yat-sen, father of China, is one of the persons that I respect most. He was called “Bu Yi” president because he was provident. As a president, he wore the same clothes and ate the same food as the ordinary people did at that time. And he was opposed to wasting. Though as a president, he could enjoy his privileges but he didn’t. It’s his providence that impresses me most. His story encourages me to be provident and try my best to avoid wasting, such as buying the things that I really need but not just for fun. 例 2: When it comes to providence, I can’t help thinking of my model --- Guo Mingyi. He is an ordinary worker, but he tries to save money and help others in need heart and soul. Though he doesn’t have a high salary, he supports several poor families with his own money. As for himself, he lives a simple and hard life. He never wastes a coin and he always wears the same uniform.

I’m deeply moved by his providence, and I have decided to follow him and never waste money. 例 3: When we refer to the name Bill Gates, there is no denying the fact that he is the richest man in USA. But to our surprise, he never owns a personal helicopter or buys any guest’s ticket. Instead, he always buys an ordinary plane ticket when travelling on business. He has left me a deep impression, and I consider him a my model not to cause any unnecessary waste. Bill and Bloomberg could even keep up saving, why should we students waste too much without earning everything? 2. 写身边的家人或朋友的: 例 4: The mayor reminds me of my uncle, who is a provident man too. My uncle has a successful business and he is a millionaire. Though he has so much money, he never wastes. He wears the ordinary shoes and drives an ordinary car. Since I was young, my uncle has taught me not to waste money on what I don’t really need and I keep his words in mind ever since. 例 5: The story reminds me of one of my friends. Unlike my other friends who always wear fashionable clothes, he wears his clothes which look so ordinary. And he doesn’t change his clothes too often because he thinks that he only needs to buy new clothes when he is really in need of them. I am moved by him so I regard him as a model. Gradually, I become a provident person too.

例 6: In my life, my mother, who is always provident and never wastes money, has a big influence on me. Once I was going to throw away some of my old clothes, which I hadn’t worn for many times, just because they had been out of fashion. When my mother knew this, she criticized me and told me that I was luck because many children in the world had no warm clothes to wear, so I should learn to be provident. Hearing my mother’s words and thinking that she never throws away anything that can be used, I immediately realized my mistake and made up my mind to be thrifty. 例 7: So does my mother. She never spends extra money on herself so that she never owns something other women have. She will sow broken clothes if they are still able to be worn. And she will keep the left food if it is unable to be eaten at that time. And she always demands me to become a person who saves everything and never wastes things. Influenced by her, I also save food and other things in my daily life, for example, I always try my best to eat all the food in my bowl.

参考范文: The author introduces to us the mayor of New York City, a man who is rich but provident. The author also points out nowadays some students have the habit of wasting things. When reading the passage, I am deeply moved by

the mayor. Rich as he is, he has the virtue of saving. He spends money only on what he needs and never wastes money on what is of no use. I think this is really admirable. The mayor reminds me of the great political leader of China, Chairman Mao. As the chairman of China, Mao led a very thrifty life. He used to wear old clothes at home. When his clothes were worn out, he would have them repaired and continued to wear them. He always told others that saving was a good virtue of Chinese people. Thinking about the two great leaders, I feel deeply ashamed. As a young student who still has to depend on my parents, I have been leading too comfortable a life. I buy whatever I like though I don’t really need them. Besides, I like new things; when things get “old”, I tend to begin to dislike them and stop using them. Now that I realize that this is wrong, I’m determined that I shall follow the examples of the two great leaders and start to get rid of the bad habits.

正文部分的普遍语言问题: 1. 第三人称单数! 2. a person (用 people: 错) 3. 节俭的意识/精神 his provident awareness/ quality/ spirit ? his awareness/ spirit of providence 4. 他很值得(我们所有人)学习。

He is (well) worth learning from. He is worthy of being learned from by all of us. He is worthy to be learned from by all of us. * He is worth studying. ---他值得被研究? 5. 他值得尊敬。He is respectable / admirable. 6. 他给我们树立了一个好榜样。 He has set a good example to us. 7. 感叹句:What a provident person he is! 8. 影响(v.): affect, influence, impact (n.): effect, influence, impact have a great effect on me 9. 养成节俭的习惯: form/ develop the habit of being thrifty 戒除这些坏习惯: get rid of the bad habits 10. make up my mind to be thrift / not to waste I will make up my mind to … ? 应:I have made up my mind to …. 11. spend/waste money on unnecessary things spend/waste money (in) buying unnecessary things


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