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写作原题............................................................................................

.................................. 2 考生原文.............................................................................................................................. 3 批改过程.............................................................................................................................. 5 总评分数.............................................................................................................................. 7

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写作原题

The best way to protect the environment is to reduce the amount of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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考生原文
With the technology's development, the enviromental contamination become more and more serious to human being. The discussion of that whether decrease the air travel times is the best method of environment protection has draw people's attention.Personally I don't agree with this saying. I will analysis and prove my prospective from the following paragraph.Firstly I think to reduce air travel definitely is not the best way for environmental improvement.Instead, this might be an efficent way on people's tranport, with less fuel consume and convey more passanger in short time.If people choose train or vehicle will probably have more consume on the coal or gas, and obviously the fuel used in plane is kind of eco-friendly sources of energy with less pollution caused. With the worse situation on environment, there have many things we can do, not only to reduce travel by plane,that is too subjective, and only conduct limited effect, why not consider from a macroscopical point of view, such like to promote the development as well as the use of eco-friendly sources of energy, try to use public transport tools, to reduce excessive and random lumbering aggravates water loss and soil erosio, low carbon action should be adovocated widely as well in nowadays . Finally I restate my personal opinion that I don't think the decrease air travel is the best way on environmental protection, there are many other more significant ways.Hope people can take the chance to reduce travel times and try to use phone call or video conference, this will absolutely reduce pollution and helpful to the environmental improvement.Let's do what we can to protect our earth.
[Word Account:269] Account:269 269]
本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

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专业批改·极速提分·就上极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)
极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)由专属外教团队依据各大考试官方指南为用户提 供专业的作文批改和口语批改服务。专属外教批改团队经过严格选拔与考核, 所 有批改外教对于官方批改标准的膜拜和遵守超乎想像。 极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) 专家团队深度分析破解官方指南,独创“作文九步批改法”和“ “口语四步批改 法” ,最大程度真实还原了出题机构的作文与口语批改过程。确保为用户提供最 专业的作文与口语批改服务,同时还为用户提供户个性化的“24 小时加急批改” 和“范文重写”等特色批改服务。

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批改过程
With the technology's development, the enviromental contamination has 1become more and more-increasingly2 serious to human beings3. The discussion of that whether decrease the air travel times is the best method of environment protection has draw people's attention. Some people think one great way to protect the environment is to reduce air travel. 4Personally I don't agree with this saying idea5. I will analysis analyze6 and prove my prospective from the following paragraph.7Firstly I think to reduce air travel definitely is not is definitely no8 the best way for environmental improvement.Insteadin fact9, this might be an efficent way on people's tranport,10 with less fuel consume consumption11 and conveycarry12 more passanger in a 13short time.If people choose train or vehicle will probably have more consume on the coal or gas, and obviously the fuel used in plane is kind of eco-friendly sources of energy with less pollution caused.14

词语遗漏 选词不当 3 单、复数错误 4 选词不当 5 选词不当 6 选词不当 7 I think that this sentence is part of your previous paragraph. If so, you need to put it at the end of that paragraph and not here. 8 词序不当 9 选词不当 10 You can say this but you're supposed to be argueing here. You should say, "Air travel is efficient." 11 选词不当 12 选词不当 13 冠词错误 14 观点赞同 I see what you mean!
1 2

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With the worse situation on environment, there have many things we can do, not only to reduce travel by plane, that is too subjective, and only conduct limited effect, why not consider from a macroscopical point of view, such like to promote the development as well as the use of eco-friendly sources of energy, try to use public transport tools, to reduce excessive and random lumbering aggravates water loss and soil erosio, low carbon action should be adovocated widely as well in nowadays . -- This sentence is incredibly long and unclear. I think you mean to say that, "The state of the enironment is a critical concern right now and there are many more practical things that we can do to mitigate the damage. For example..." Finally I restate my personal opinion15 that I don't think the decrease air travel is the best way on environmental protection, there are many other more significant ways. Hope people can take the chance to reduce travel times and try to use phone call or video conference, this will absolutely reduce pollution and be 16helpful to the environmental improvement. Let's do what we can to protect our earth.

15

16

Good. You've got the right idea. This IS where you need to restate your argument. 词语遗漏

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总评及分数
Hey Emy, Thanks so much for sending me your work. In order to help you improve I’ve provided a few notes: FORMATTING is the visual presentation of a document. Formatting ensures that the content of the document are consistent in appearance, purpose and order. In American English, there are two main style guides: MLA and Chicago Style. You are welcome to study those on your own but as far as testing is concerned I think you should focus on a couple simple rules: Indent every paragraph. Indentations are usually made up of five spaces. To indent you need to hit "tab" once before starting each paragraph. While working with electronics, however, please note that in some programs, applications, or websites, "tab" will not indent but instead bring you to the next field. In this case, remember that a "tab" is equal to 5 spaces. So, if you can't use "tab" to create an indentation, hit the "space" bar 5 times. You don’t always have to indent when writing but, in essay form, follow the rules set up in the style guides. That way, one day, when you’re ready to publish your work as a famous writer, you won’t have any problems! Spaces – You must enter a space after punctuation marks, not before them. Take a look at the examples provided below: WRONG - “You did a great job.I’m sure next time will be even better !” WRONG - “You did a great job .I’m sure next time will be even better! ” In the wrong examples above, you can see: 1. There is no space after the first period. 本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

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2. There is a space before the pronunciation mark 3. There is a space before the period. 4. There is a space after the exclamation mark. Take a look at the job done right: RIGHT - “You did a great job. I’m sure next time will be even better!” In this case, you can see that there’s a space after the period, not before it. And you can see there is no space between the final two punctuation marks. You may ask yourself, what does formatting, the visual presentation of my writing, have to do with testing? It’s important that you present your work clearly because your reader/rater is going to be reading it. By improving the visual quality you’re going to make it easier for your rater to read. This may be an advantage because an organized presentation can frame your strong skills and potentially earn you more points on the test. Think it over! Now, lets talk a little bit about the actual writing. There were a lot of careless errors that I think you can improve on but for now, lets talk about the most important one. Your sentence structure created big problems for your work. Take this sentence for example: “With the worse situation on environment, there have many things we can do, not only to reduce travel by plane,that is too subjective, and only conduct limited effect, why not consider from a macroscopical point of view, such like to promote the development as well as the use of eco-friendly sources of energy, try to use public transport tools, to reduce excessive and random lumbering aggravates water loss and soil erosio, low carbon action should be adovocated widely as well in nowadays .” This is actually an entire paragraph stuffed into one sentence. That sort of thing can’t be managed. So, how about you consider my rewrite: "The state of the environment is a critical
本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

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concern right now. Besides from reducing airfare, there are more efficient ways we can care for the earth. Consuming more eco-friendly fuels, using public transport and reducing logging in the rain forest would certainly help more than by limiting air travel" In order to get the clarity right I think you need to study the basics of sentence structure. SENTENCE STRUCTURE is the way you link your parts of speech for form an idea. I think that you should pay closer attention to your basic sentence structure. There are four kinds of sentences: 1. Declarative Sentences – Statement 2. Interrogative Sentences – Question 3. Exclamatory Sentences – Exclamation 4. Imperative Sentences – Command No matter what type of sentence you’re writing, you have the choice of creating any of the four following sentence structures: 1. Simple Sentence – a sentence with only one independent clause. 2. Compound Sentence – a sentence with two or more independent clauses. 3. Complex Sentence – a sentence with an independent clause and at least one dependent clause. 4. Compound-Complex Sentence A writer must be organized in his or her own development and so, what this means is that you have to practice with two things: 1. Independent Clauses – a group of words made up of a subject and a predicate that makes sense without the help of any other words.

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2. Dependent Clauses - A group of words that has both a subject and a verb but (unlike an independent clauses) cannot stand alone as a sentence. These are the two most fundamental parts of any of the four sentence types described above. When you create these solid sentences, they’re going to serve as the building blocks of your paragraphs. Your argument, and your test points, depend on these sentences; make sure they’re solid Good luck and see you next time: ) John

Item

Explanation
Identify aspects of the argument and examine

Score(Full Score is 5)

Task Response 任务完成情况 them perceptively. 识别对立的观点、并能够深度论述 Organization & Structure 文章组织和结构 Ideas are organized logically, and connected with clear transitions. 论点组织符合逻辑、起承转合准确 Compelling and detailed support for the Development and reasoning, conveyed fluently and precisely. Details 论点扩展和细节运用 表达流畅准确 Command of the elements of Standard Written English, including grammar, word usage, Grammar 语法 spelling, and punctuation 能运用标准的书面英语,包括语法,词汇,拼写及标 点。 Effectively understand, analyze, and evaluate Holistic assessment 整体评分 the argument, and clearly conveyed the evaluation in a fluent manner. 3 2 论证有力并且能够适当使用细节来支持自己的推理, 2 2 3

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准确理解对立的立场并加以分析和评价。表达清晰流 畅 Total Score(GRE Full Score is 6): 3

本范文为粗批版,登陆极智批改网,享受最专业的外教批改服务 专属外教团队依据考试官方指南提供专业作文批改和口语批改服务 破解官方指南,还原打分标准。专业批改·极速提分·极智批改网

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专业批改·极速提分·就上极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)
极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)由专属外教团队依据各大考试官方指南为用户提 供专业的作文批改和口语批改服务。专属外教批改团队经过严格选拔与考核, 所 有批改外教对于官方批改标准的膜拜和遵守超乎想像。 极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) 专家团队深度分析破解官方指南,独创“作文九步批改法”和“ “口语四步批改 法” ,最大程度真实还原了出题机构的作文与口语批改过程。确保为用户提供最 专业的作文与口语批改服务,同时还为用户提供户个性化的“24 小时加急批改” 和“范文重写”等特色批改服务。

关注极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)微博 获得最新备考信息。 http://e.weibo.com/smartpigai 关注极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)微信 第一时间互动答疑。 微信号:smartpigai

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