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写作原题............................................................................................

.................................. 2 考生原文.............................................................................................................................. 3 批改过程.............................................................................................................................. 6 总评分数.............................................................................................................................. 8

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写作原题
Does every achievement bring with it new challenges?

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考生原文
There is an old saying in China --something negative always follows something beneficial, which indicates the truth that advantages and disadvantatges are always coexisted,and once an achievement is made, it brings with new problems. In this essay, I'll illustrate the point by giving examples of nuclear energy, Internet and the Great Depression.

The nuclear energy was made from theory into reality last century .Nevertheless, people were so forcing to its unbelievable ability that they neglected a significant question which would bring the new achievement from heaven to hell, how to control it. The heating-core nuclear reaction is too wild to be controled by humans. So far, the reaction can only be used as violent weapons: H-bomb, each of which can easily destroy a huge city with a population of more than a million. Now, how to use the nuclear energy safely and efficiently has become one of the most difficult challenges faced by all the human beings.

Nuclear energy may influence our lives slightly, but the thing I am going to talk about next is quiet close to our lives -- the Internet. Up to now, more than half of a billion Chinese people has joined the Internet. People find information, download music and play compute games there. You may think, what a remarkable achievement the Internet is. However, due to the fact, an increasing number of transgreesion takes place on Internet, including swindling, threatening and selling something illegal. Each year, police pay so much effort to investigate such things and punish people related to the issues, but received little results, because the Internet provides a “great” environment which is concealed, indirect and “safe” for the crime. To stop the crime and to build a healthy Internet environment is a serious challeage. We can’t avoid it.

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The statement mentioned in the first paragraph works in the economic field as well. Last century, after the Industry Revolution and a long-time accumulaion. American economy climbed up to a prosperous peak, which was regarded as an achievement of capitalism. People were so optimistic about the economy and their judgement that they threw their money into the booming market, loaned a great sum of money they couldn’t pay back from banks, causing a foam-filled prosperty. Several years later, the foams broke, and the Great Depression came. In this crisis, at first, the banks broke down and then millions of people lost their jobs, and America was on the edge of a precipice. The Great Depression cleared the American’s minds and they found they faced a enormous problem – how to balance the free economy and government intervention. Even now, the challenge still troubles some capitalsm countries.

All in all, we must admit the achievement do bring with now challenges, and we have suffered from the neglection of it. What we should do now and in the future is to take circumspect before any action and do our best to solve the problems.

[Word Account: 488 ] 488]

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极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)由专属外教团队依据各大考试官方指南为用户提 供专业的作文批改和口语批改服务。专属外教批改团队经过严格选拔与考核, 所 有批改外教对于官方批改标准的膜拜和遵守超乎想像。 极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) 专家团队深度分析破解官方指南,独创“作文九步批改法”和“ “口语四步批改 法” ,最大程度真实还原了出题机构的作文与口语批改过程。确保为用户提供最 专业的作文与口语批改服务,同时还为用户提供户个性化的“24 小时加急批改” 和“范文重写”等特色批改服务。

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批改过程
There is an old saying in China --:1something negative always follows something beneficial,;2 which indicates the truth that advantages and disadvantatges are3 always coexisted, and once an achievement is made, it brings with4 new problems. In this essay, I'll will5 illustrate the point by giving examples of nuclear energy, the 6Internet and the Great Depression. The7 nuclear energy was made from theory into reality the previouslast century . Nevertheless, people were so forcing to its unbelievable ability that they neglected a significant question which would bring the new achievement from heaven to hell,:8 how to control it. The heating-core nuclear reaction is too wild to be controled by humans. So far, the reaction can only be used as a violent weapons9: H-bomb, each of which can easily destroy a huge city with a population of more than a million. Now, how to use the nuclear energy safely and efficiently has become one of the most difficult challenges faced by all the 10human beings.

标点错误 2 标点错误 3 被动语态使用不当 4 介词错误 5 缩合错误 6 冠词错误 7 冠词错误 8 标点错误 9 单、复数错误 10 冠词错误
1

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Nuclear energy may influence our lives slightly, but the thing I am going to talk about next is quiet close to our lives -- the Internet. Up to now, more than half of a11 billion Chinese people hashave12 joined the Internet. People find information, download music and play computer13 games there. You may think, what a remarkable achievement the Internet is. However, due to thethis14 fact, an increasing number of transgreesions15 takes place on the 16Internet, including swindling, threatening and selling something illegal. Each year, the 17police pay so much effort to investigate such things and punish people related to the issues, but received18 little results,19 because the Internet provides a “great” environment which is concealed, indirect and “safe” for the20 crime. To stopStopping21 the 22crime and to building23 a healthy Internet environment is a serious challeage. We can’tcannot 24 avoid it.

11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24

介词错误 动词形式不当 构词不正确 冠词错误 单、复数错误 冠词错误 冠词错误 时态错误 标点错误 冠词错误 时态错误 冠词错误 时态错误 缩合错误

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The statement mentioned in the first paragraph25 works in the economic field as well. Last century, after the Industry Industrial 27 Revolution and a long-time accumulaion28. American29 economy climbed up to a prosperous peak, which was regarded as an achievement of capitalism. People were so optimistic about the economy and their judgement that they threw their money into the booming market, loanedborrowed30 a great sum of money they couldn’tnot31 pay back from banks, causing a foam-filled prosperty prosperity32. Several years later, the foams33 broke, and the Great Depression came. In this crisis, at first, the banks broke down and then millions of people lost their jobs, and America was on the edge of a precipice. The Great Depression cleared the American’s minds and they found they faced a enormous problem – how to balance the free economy and government intervention. Even now, the challenge still troubles some capitalsm capitalist 34countries. All in all, we must admit the achievement do bring with now challenges35, and we have suffered from the neglection36 of it. What we should do now and in the future is to take circumspect37 before any action and do our best to solve the problems.

25 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37

Be specific here 构词不正确 The reference is too vague. 句子过短 Join the sentences. 选词不当 缩合错误 输入错误 可数名词错误 文章格式不当 Rephrase this 构词不正确 选词不当

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总评及分数
You have presented relevant ideas in support of your opinion. An effort to elaborate the main ideas with supporting points is visible. The arguments are sound though not entirely coherent. You offer sufficient examples, but these lack complete clarity. The structure of the response is adequate however the conclusion needs at least one additional statement. However, the essay contains numerous mistakes related to grammar and sentence structures. There are some fluency issues which need to be addressed. The range of terms used is adequate. A review of sentence formation and word choice will be beneficial.

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Item

Explanation
Effectiveness in developing an argument to

Score(Full Score is 5)

Task Response 任务完成情况 support your evaluation of the issue. 准确分析题目并有效地论证自己的自己的观点 Clear, coherent structure, logical Organization & paragraphing and clear transitions in ideas. Structure 文章组织和结构 合明显 Persuasive and fully developed examples; Development and Details 论点扩展和细节运用 logical and sound reasoning, suitably supported. 例子说服力很强且完全展开、论证具有逻辑性和说服 力、并能适当地使用例子进行支持 Command of the elements of Standard Written English, incl. grammar, word usage, spelling, Grammar 语法 and punctuation 能运用标准的书面英语,包括语法,词汇,拼写及标 点。 Effectively articulate and develop an argument to support your evaluation of the issue Holistic assessment 整体评分 cohesively and fluently in the presentation of the text. 有效提出并支持自己的观点,表达流畅,前后一致 Total Score(SAT Full Score is 6): 3.5 3 3 3 论证中结构连贯清晰、分段合理,符合逻辑且起承转 3 3

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专业批改·极速提分·就上极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)
极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)由专属外教团队依据各大考试官方指南为用户提 供专业的作文批改和口语批改服务。专属外教批改团队经过严格选拔与考核, 所 有批改外教对于官方批改标准的膜拜和遵守超乎想像。 极智批改网 (SMARTPIGAI) 专家团队深度分析破解官方指南,独创“作文九步批改法”和“ “口语四步批改 法” ,最大程度真实还原了出题机构的作文与口语批改过程。确保为用户提供最 专业的作文与口语批改服务,同时还为用户提供户个性化的“24 小时加急批改” 和“范文重写”等特色批改服务。

关注极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)微博 获得最新备考信息。 http://e.weibo.com/smartpigai 关注极智批改网(SMARTPIGAI)微信 第一时间互动答疑。 微信号:smartpigai

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