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关于写作的稿子


Example1 More and more young students go abroad because they want to get better education and find a better job in the future. I think that they may have problems in study and also in life. T

here may be problems in study and also in life for young students to go abroad to/ in order to/in an effort to/ so as to get/receive better education and find/secure a better job in the future. Example2 开头句大众脸: With the development of science and technology, our life is more and more convenient. 开头句明星脸: With the expansion of IT implication, our life is of increasing convenience. 开头句巨星脸: Thanks to the rapid expansion of IT-based implication, the convenience of our daily life is on the rise.
Example3 越来越多的刚刚毕业的大学生发现越来越难找到好工作。 菜鸟级 More and more college graduates who have just graduated from university find that finding a good job is more and more difficult. 大鸟级 A growing number of fresh graduates find that obtaining a decent job is increasingly difficult. 神鸟级 The difficulty of being employed by a decent employer is on the rise, as the number of fresh graduates grows. 虽然说这两个句子的 WPS(每句中的词汇数)都超过 10 个,应该说不能算是写的特别初级的 简单句,如果句法和词汇没有问题还是很有希望达到 6 分的。但如果全篇都是这样的句式, 整个文章就显得幼稚,类似于记叙文写作,绝对突破不了 7 分。 写作不同于口语,应当尽量符合书面语的正式性。 口语中我们很习惯用“某个人做某件事”来构成基本句式,以至于议论文中有的考生依然写 的是这样的句子: 上例中第一句的主句和状语从句中都是以某个人开始的,第二句中主句 和宾语从句也是以人做主语 其实改法很简单:我们只要避免从“某个人”开始句子就可以了,也就是说用比较客观的就 事论事的态度。如:避免“学生出国” ,只写“出国”;避免“他们想要?” ,只写“想要?” 。 这样,上面的句子就可以写成:go abroad to get better education and find a better job in the
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future,不但很客观,而且把原来的主句和从句两部分精简处理成了一个动词短语。既可以做 谓语动词加上原来的一个主语构成句子, 也可以用不定式、 动名词和分词处理为非谓语动词 做主语、 宾语或者状语, 还可以以从句的形式处理。 至于原来第一句中的主语 young students 可以用介词短语的形式插入不定式或者动名词短语中, 而下面的句子里的评价部分的内容提 上来做主句的谓语,组成一个新的句式。 另外,第二例句中的“have” ,一般情况下主语都是某个人,而在写作中多为“there be”句 型所代替,更加客观。所以上面的两个例句就可以合并成一句: 这样合并不但客观而且精炼, 每个单位句子所表达的内容自然就扩大, 词汇密度也相应地增 多,自然容易得高分,如果加上个别单词或短语的替换,就可以达到 7 分。但切记不可机械 照搬范文中的长句 下面就是具体的几个客观表达的方面:

一. 句子开头“去人化”避免太多的人化主语/“去人化”避免总是以有生命的 名词和人称代词开头(I,People,We 等)可以采用以下方法加以丰富:
(1). 换个思维思考,用物作开头。 A. 在美国,人人都能够买到枪。 用“人人”做主语:In the United States, everyone can buy guns. 用“枪”做主语: In the United States, guns are available to everyone. B. 你可以从因特网上获得这一信息。 用“你”做主语:You can obtain this information on the internet. 用“信息”做主语:This information is available on the internet. C. 他突然想到了一个新主意。 用“他”做主语:He suddenly thought out a new idea.或者 Suddenly he had a new idea. 用“主意”做主语:A new idea suddenly occurred to him. 我试着将此句再进行一点改动,将 suddenly 换成名词,将 occur 换成 strike 强调“突然” 的程度:All of a sudden, a new idea struck him. 或者按照事物发生顺序的特征将 all of a sudden 放到插入语的位置上: A new idea, all of a sudden, struck him. 但这个句子插入语和前后的主干部分比起来稍显长, 所以这样用并不是最佳选择, 试比较 The silence of the lake, all of a sudden, was broken up by a scream.(主次分明,重心稳) (2) 表示某人拥有的“sb. have??”句型变成 there be 句型

More and more young students go abroad because they want to get better education and find a better job in the future. I think that they may have problems in study and also in life. There may be problems in study and also in life for young students to go abroad in order to get better education and find a better job in the future.
(3) 以“某人”作主语使用情态动词(can, may, should 等)时,建议前两个改成 It is likely /possible to do/ that?.;后一个改成 It is necessary/ imperative/ highly expected/ suggested that sth be done.的句式:
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To curb global warming, our government should promulgate new laws to govern the felling of trees.→ To curb global warming, it is imperative that our government promulgate new laws to govern the felling of trees 二. 使用被动句式

在比较正式的新闻、商务、法律等英语文体中,被动句式因为其更突出客观性的宾语或者 事实被广为使用。图表分析和议论文都是比较正式的文体,所以我们也应该注意多用被动 句式。尤其是在以下两个方面: (1). 主语不确定

A. Someone murdered the millionaire last night. The millionaire was murdered last night.
(2). 主语是泛指很多人或者大部分人

B. To improve the air quality, we should reduce the use of private cars. To improve the air quality, the use of private cars should be reduced. C. Most people think that we can get a large share of benefit in the sales campaign. It is widely believed that we can get a large share of benefit in the sales campaign.
◆被动句的用法不仅体现在主句中,在从句、非谓语动词短语中都有可能用到,如:

I am not sure whether the college graduates will find jobs in the financially difficult year. I am not sure whether the college graduates will get employed in the financially difficult year.
但是因为汉语中本来是没有被动句式的,所以受汉化思维的影响很多考生不会想到这一点。 这就要求我们对此要引起足够的重视,并且在平时多加练习以培养对其敏感度。 归纳起来说,议论文中我们要积极避免“某个人”做主语,尽量用不定式、动名词从句做主 语,或者使用被动语态,谓语动词用评价性的动词充当,这样就可以由记叙文性质的“过程 性句式”顺利转化成更符合议论文文风的客观评价性的句式。

三. 名词化 写作中把原本用动词或者形容词表达的地方换成名词叫做名词化 (nominalization)。名词化是为了避免太多动词造成的句法处理上的困难,同时也 可以把某些陈述型的句式转化成更客观的评价句,更符合议论文的文体要求。 如:
A 班长得了流感今天没有来。

Our monitor didn’t come today. He has got a flu. 很明显这两个小句可以用因果关系的信号词连成一句:Because our monitor has a
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flu, he didn’t come today., 但这个 because 引导的原因状语从句以及其它的状语从 句是考生们很常用的复合句,虽然看似比较复杂,其实仍然是某个人做主语。 如果非谓语动词掌握得好,可能我们会想到用 Having a flu, our monitor didn’t come today. 这一句使用了非谓语动词,比前一句效果有所改善,但这仍是某个人做主语,效 果还可以再进一步提升。 如果我们把前后两部分分别用一个概括性的名词来替代, 中间加上我们熟悉的表 示因果关系的动词,这个句子就非常符合议论文的风格: The flu caused the absence of our monitor today. The absence of our monitor is because of his illness. 至少我们可以尽量将其中的一个小句变成名词, 减少某个人做主语的口语化句式 的出现频率。
B 谁也不能以不懂法律来为自己辩解。

究竟用哪一个做主语更合适呢?我们就有要考虑句意的重点。 这句话所要表达的 内涵是: 有些人以自己不懂法律来为自己的违法行为辩解, 也就说明 “不懂法律” 成为他们的法宝,而这正是作者批判和否定的主要对象。所以我们选择“不懂法 律”来做主语: Ignorance of the law excuses no man. 但是有一些单词是我们在写作中几乎必须要用到的,平时要备好以下几个常见 的名词化: lack of (if there is no?), inability(can not do) failure (didn’t do?) 而且在具体的使用过程中可以结合介词 with 使用,使得句法更加凝练。此外个 别单词也可以利用题目中的动词的名词性后缀如: -tion, -ment, -isation, -ness, -ity 等或者变成动名词形式-ing。如: More younger generations celebrate the western festivals. The celebration of the western festivals was enjoyed by more younger generations

四.升级词汇
1. 对被过度使用的词或词组进行“升级” but→very The film we saw last night was very interesting. The film we saw last night was nothing but interesting. The film we saw last night was anything but boring. be of + n. 替换 adj. The products are of high quality (very good ) and are sold everywhere in China.

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more and more? an increasing number of; growing number of/ growing trend of…… increasingly; on the rise, on the decline trend up; trend down; drop eg. More and more people now prefer to stay at home and watch TV. ?People in increasing numbers prefer to stay at home and watch TV. because of (because) ? due to; given; considering; thanks to; owing to; on account of; in view of ; by reason of; in that in view of the fact that… important? Significant; vital; prominent; crucial; indispensable; essential; primary; key; leading; notable emphasize? lay emphasis on; attach importance to; place stress on; make a point of; underline; highlight; give priority to try to do sth. ? strive to do sth.; make great effort to do sth.; spare no effort in doing sth./to do sth.; take pains to do sth; do one's utmost I think? From my perspective /in my opinion; from my point of view; I’m of the opinion that; it occurs to me; as far as I am concerned; I am in favor of 2. 避免使用语义较模糊的 make, let, have,get 而多使用语意具体生动的动词。 1) This conversation let me have this opportunity to share their experience and knowledge. ?This conversation allowed me this opportunity to share their experience and knowledge. 2) TV makes people have few chances to communicate with each other. ?TV deprives people of the chance to communicate with each other. 3) The substance and tone of his remarks make the lasting peace in the Middle East possible. ?The substance and tone of his remarks contribute to the possibility of the lasting peace in the Middle East.

五、家庭作业 一、改写下列文章 Every family has lots of housework. Everyone should do some of it. I help my parents do housework such as washing clothes, cleaning the room and watering flowers. I will do it well for my family. I think I’ve learned how to take good care of myself and my family by doing housework. Sometimes doing housework is an enjoyable experience. And doing housework is also a kind of exercise. I can feel proud of myself only in this way. I think doing housework is useful and valuable The summer holiday is coming. I will learn to do more housework. And my parents
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will be happy. 专练提示分析: 这篇作文样本是部分同学典型的作文风格,带有初中作文的痕迹。几乎所有的 句子都的简单的主谓宾或者主系表句子。每个句子的主语都是第一人称开头。 词汇的使用量不大,简单单词的重复使用频率高。复杂句型几乎没有。 要求: 1. 要求尽可能多的使用今天所学习到的变换句型。 2. 注意替换某些简单单词和使用一些固定词组以及连接词。 范文分析 Every family has lots of housework, which should be done by most of us. (定语从句 改写) As for me, (上下句的连接词添加) some of the housework such as washing clothes, cleaning the room and watering flowers is what I can help for my parents.(表 语从句改写) Meanwhile, I will try my best(添加固定词组)to do it well for my family. Personally, the more housework I do, the more(比较级句型使用) I have learnt how to take care of myself as well as(替换 and) my family. In some ways (替换 sometimes), I find that doing housework is not only an enjoyable experience but also a kind of exercise. (使用固定句型) Only in this way, can I feel proud of myself.(使用倒装句) It is useful and valuable for me to do housework. (it is + adj + for sb to do sth 使用不 定式句型) It is never too old to learn. (引用名人名言) To make my family happy(使用动词不 定式放句首), I will keep on doing more housework in the coming(使用现在分词) summer holiday.

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