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2015江苏高考英语读写类作文讲评


Learning aims:
? To learn how to sum up the main idea of a short passage; ? To learn how to polish up your own writings; ? To correct some mistakes from your own writings.

作要求分析
读写任务型写作分为两部分: 第一部分要求用约30个词概括所给短文的要点, 文体主要以议论文,记叙文或说明文为主。 第二部分以约120个词就短文某一主题谈论自己的 经历并发表看法。 此项旨在着重考查学生学习英语的综合能力,特别 是阅读写作以及思维的能力。第一部分要求学生能 读懂文章,在读懂的基础上概括文章要点,所以阅 读能力和概括能力要求较高。

Technique Guides
? 概括叙事性(narrative)文章主要内容一般应包括 四个方面的内容: 1. 什么人?(Who) 2. 发生什么事情?(What happened) 3.目的如何/原因是什么?(Why) 4.结果如何/什么启示或教训? (Consequence/Inspiration/Lesson)

You may begin like these:
1.The passage/ story is mainly about (talks about) + a story/ phenomenon where/that +从句 2. The writer tells/shows/states us that … 3. As is shown in the passage, … 4. What the passage tells/shows/states us is that … 故事性阅读材料,应该用最简练的语言来说明故 事讲述了什么,还可以讲述该故事给你的启示 (inspiration) 或其中的一个道理(principle)。

? At least 36 people died in a fatal stampede during New Year celebrations in Shanghai on January 1st, 2015. The tragedy happened at a crowded square in Shanghai's gleaming Bund area at around 11:35 p.m. ? Most of the injured were young people in their twenties, a majority of them women. There were also college students and children. They were sent to several hospitals for treatment, including Changzheng Hospital, the Shanghai No.1 People’s Hospital, Ruijin Hospital and Huangpu District Central Hospital. ? Lack of awareness over safety risk behind public gatherings and loose control at the scene contributed to the tragedy. The disorder at the scene also exposed the deficiency in emergency exercise and safety education. A profound lesson should be learned from the incident. For those areas with high safety risks, the authorities should have special emergency response plans and make sufficient analysis and assessment, including the arrangement of police, volunteers and supporting measures.

? 参考1 ? At least 36 people died in a fatal stampede [st? m'pi?d] during New Year celebrations in Shanghai on January 1st, 2015, caused by lack of awareness over safety risk and loose control at the scene. (35)(马苏云) ? 参考2 ? A tragedy in which at least 36 people died during New Year celebrations in Shanghai raised people’s awareness of the security of public places. And the author analyzed the causes of the tragedy. (33字)(杨天一)

? 参考3 ? What the passage shows us is a stampede which happened in Shanghai’s Bund area several days ago, including the reasons why it happened and the measures authorities should take. (29字) (suggested answer)

Transitional sentences connecting your experience
? Actually, in real life, everyone can have an experience of … ? Having read the passage, I think of … ? After reading the passage, I am lost in thought, which reminds me of … ? What a touching story, which reminds me of …

How to polish up your writing

General get finish like care consider use important

Advanced
acquire/attain/obtain
accomplish/complete appreciate/be fond of/prefer concern take…into consideration/account make use of /take advantage of be of vital/great importance

? sad She felt lonely and d________. She was really u_____ about the way her father treated her. ? happy She was feeling more c______ than before. Sandy will be d_____ to see you. I’m absolutely ______ that you are coming. ? bad Smoking in public is a/an __________ habit. The weather is ___________. I found this manner is extremely ________. The food looks _________, but it tasted OK.

Exercise1

? great He is an ________ player to watch. Her dance was an ________________ performance. Their last concert was really _________. The film was absolutely ________________. What a ______________ idea. This travel was a/an ____________ experience. ? very She looks ___________ beautiful this tonight. Conditions have improved ____________over the past few years. Raising money for the homeless has been ________ difficult. Self-confidence is ____________ vital to success.

General sad happy bad great very

Advanced
depressed/upset/in low spirits cheerful/delighted/thrilled/pleased awful/unpleasant/horrible amazing/admirable/awesome/ brilliant/excellent/enjoyable/fantastic badly/ dramatically/ especially/rather/ pretty/perfectly/awfully/amazingly

Exercise 2 Try to polish up the two sentences ? It’s important to obey the public regulations. Only if we do that, can we live in a peaceful, safe and beautiful society. (姜佳怡)

?It’s of vital importance to obey the public regulations. Only if we perform them, can we live in a peaceful, safe and comfortable society. ? Some people like visiting some places which have lots of visitors. (蔡宜静) (prefer) Some people prefer to visit some crowded interest of places rather than stay at home for holiday.

with

各 种 从 句

非 谓 语

复 合 结 构

倒 装 句 型

强 调 句 型

省 略 句 型

祈 使 句 型

虚 拟 语 气

优句鉴赏
? The more actions we take for public rules, the more advantages we will achieve from the society. (李晓爽) ? In my opinion, if everyone who took part in the New Year celebrations had behaved well, the tragedy would not have happened. (季花磊)

? So it is obvious that everyone must have the awareness over safety risk, especially when in public places. (杨天一)

巧用副词—不让句子裸奔
? Obviously, most of people lack the consciousness of public safety. ? Surprisingly, the fatal stampede led to 36 deaths and dozens of injuries. ? Definitely, we should put our security in the first place.

? Personally, a series of prevention measures must be taken to guarantee public order.

有没有副词效果确实不一样!
? I believe that…
firmly believe that… ? I _______
strongly

? I suggest that… ? I ________suggest that… ? I sincerely _______hope that… ? I hope that… ? I support that…
fully/completely/entirely/absolutely

? I __________support that…

本次作文中存在的问题:
(1) Summarize incomplete idea (2) Misuse/misunderstand original passage (3)Too many mistakes made in sentence structures (4)Express opinions too early (5)Apply the suggestions from original passage (6)Too simple sentences

学生习作改错
? There are 36 young people dead in Shanghai’s gleaming Bund area when they celebrated for the coming new year.(19字) (张周杰)

? A fatal stampede which happened during New Year celebrations in Shanghai made us pay attention to safety risk behind public gatherings. (21字) (王丽娟)

本次作文中存在的问题:
(1) Summarize incomplete idea (2) Misuse/misunderstand original passage (3)Too many mistakes made in sentence structures (4)Express opinions too early (5)Apply the suggestions from original passage (6)Too simple sentences

学生习作改错

? People will not follow public rules because of lacking of awareness over safety risk behind public gatherings and loose control at the scene contributed to the tragedy. (黄陈侃)

? As far as I am concerned, it’s everyone’s duty to obey and protect the public gatherings. (李 order 佳鑫)

学生习作改错
? Second, people should expose strengthen the deficiency in emergency exercise and safety education. (施佳佳)
? In an emergency exercise, people will be in a panic. So when we are in an emergency exercise, we ought to keep calm.(杜天琴)

本次作文中存在的问题:
(1) Summarize incomplete idea (2) Misuse/misunderstand original passage (3)Too many mistakes made in sentence structures (4)Express opinions too early (5)Apply the suggestions from original passage (6)Too simple sentences

学生习作改错
? During New Year celebrations in Shanghai, because young people are lack of awareness over safety risk of behind public gatherings resulting a fatal stampede , happened, where 36 people died and many people injured. (蔡佳丽) were

? If it is necessary for him to go to the places, what he always does is that finding (to) find an open place and staying stay there. (杨天一)

学生习作改错
? We always wait for a moment, then will we go on it. (徐菁玲) We would rather wait in line than push our way through the crowd. ? I think not only followed by travelers, but also the authorities should have special emergency response plans and make sufficient analysis and assessment. (陈嘉敏) I think not only should travelers follow the public order, but also the authorities …

本次作文中存在的问题:
(1) Summarize incomplete idea (2) Misuse/misunderstand original passage (3)Too many mistakes made in sentence structures (4)Express opinions too early (5)Apply the suggestions from original passage (6)Too simple sentences

学生习作改错
? There is a fatal stampede during New Year celebrations in Shanghai. From this incident, we should improve our safety awareness and the authorities are supposed to make special emergency response plans.

本次作文中存在的问题:
(1) Summarize incomplete idea (2) Misuse/misunderstand original passage (3)Too many mistakes made in sentence structures (4)Express opinions too early (5)Apply the suggestions from original passage (6)Too simple sentences

学生习作改错
? To avoid such tragedy happening again, the authorities should have special emergency response plans and make sufficient analysis and assessment.(王丽娟)

本次作文中存在的问题:
(1) Summarize incomplete idea (2) Misuse/misunderstand original passage (3)Too many mistakes made in sentence structures (4)Express opinions too early (5)Apply the suggestions from original passage (6)Too simple sentences

学生习作改错
?
In public In public, places

I follow the traffic lights. I don’t play on the street. (黄嘉楠)

? In my opinion, if we want to live in a safe we will can’t becareful. too careful. environment, we be (徐菁玲) ? My friend likes shopping. When she goes out, order (姜佩文) she always follow social rates.

? Spelling mistakes: mess 写成mass recognition 写成recognization calm写成clam ? misuse personal pronouns: protect us from…写成protect our … if we are faced with写成if our are faced with look around her写成look around she ? Confuse part of speech: bad写成badly kind 写成kindness safety写成safe ? Use a sentence or phrase repeatedly: 有同学把observe public rules and regulations先后使用 了四遍。

Other mistakes

议论性(argumentative)的阅读短文,则要尽 可能客观简要地转述阅读材料的观点,而非 描述细节。 Usually the beginning of a summary is:

1. The passage mainly discusses that… 2. We can know from the passage that… 3. As far as the author is concerned, … 4. In the passage, the author mainly stressed that…

说明性(illustrative)短文, 你就必须用概括的文 字来说明某种现象。

You may begin like these:
1. It is stated in the article that… 2. According to the passage, we can know that … 3. In the passage, the author states that … 4. The passage points out that…

Homework
? 背诵概括主题的解题技巧; ? 完成讲义上概括main idea专练; ? 订正自己的作文,并上交。


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